Saturday, January 15, 2011

Enough is Enough

I am sitting here crying and hoping typing all this out will help, because I am not sure what else I can do to help myself anymore.

I'm not sure how much more I, M, or the rest of my family can take. I just kicked M out to walk to his dads, which is less than a block away. I even packed his bag for him. I can't take anymore abuse. My family can't take anymore abuse. I feel awful, truly awful. He sat on the deck and cried for awhile. He was cold. It isn't that cold out. I am not sure why (maybe it's because I told him to go and it wasn't his choice, ODD part coming out, again) but he was crying that he didn't want to go to his dad's.

I called his dad to tell him M was on his way. He started to chew me out and tell me that if I was a parent M would not be acting this way. Like he is one to talk! He has never been consistent in seeing M. He has been more so lately, but that is because he is on 24/7 and can't go drinking, so then the only excuse he can come up with for not getting M is because he is "sick". Wish I had that choice sometimes!

I know going to his dad's is not the best option, but it beats me having to call the police to control him. That is part of our crisis plan. One that I should have done many times, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I have never really kicked him out of the house before, unless you count sending him off to school when he doesn't want to go.

It's gotten really bad this week. I guess it has been worse, but this week my husband finally had enough and told me he might have to leave me for awhile because he can't handle M's taunting and abuse and he wasn't going to risk losing his older two kids because of M. So far he is still here, and doesn't really want to leave. I know that if things don't change it is inevitable.

Our little one is doing to my husband (his dad) what he sees M do. Which is not very nice at all. No matter how many times we tell him, what M does sometimes is not nice and we do not act that way. Or we do not treat our moms and dads or anybody like that. I see the hurt on my husbands face every time R acts this way towards him.

So I sat here and cried because I kicked M out. I cried because of I felt awful doing it. I cried because I have not done that, I didn't even give him a hug. I just told him, I loved him and always would. I just need him to go to his dads because we need a break. I also cry because I know he is not happy. I wish I could make everything better for him, but I can't and that tears me up!

My husband just got off the phone with his ex-wife. Maybe it would be best for him to leave, because after 10 years of being together, I still can't get how he lets her do what ever the hell she wants, and if it disrupts our lives, so be it. I guess thats another story for another time.

2 comments:

  1. First of all great big ((hugs)) to you. Not only are you having to deal with the stress of M but to feel like you need to chose between him and your husband just doesn't seem fair. I wish I had some brilliant words of support...Maybe you could ask if any of the mom's in MKBNW have been in this position? What they did?

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  2. ty, I was thinking about doing that last night. Maybe I can get on the other computer and get on there today. I think I really need to!

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